Chapter 3 Favours

Note: So, this has been done for awhile, but I didn't think it was finished. I wanted to keep going, but I decided, just now, to cut it off here. I really am not a fan of this chapter, but I needed it to continue on with the story. Sorry it took so long! Enjoy! -Hanna PS.Oh, and the picture is not the add, it's just the logo. I needed a pic and couldn't think of anything... lol

I woke up, gasping for air and with tears streaming down my cheeks. I looked around me, and was relieved to see that I was in my bedroom. It was just a dream. I glanced at the glowing red numbers of my alarm clock: 2:43am. I knew there was no way that I was going to fall asleep again, so I got out of bed careful not to wake Andrew up. I showered, got changed into a pair of sweats, and pulled my hair up into a ponytail.

When I got into the living room, I turned on my iPod speakers, and put on some slow, quiet piano music. I turned on my laptop, and was greeted by little message saying that I had 6 new mail messages. I exited the little window, and was overwhelmed with emotion when I saw my desktop. It was a picture of me and Andrew, soaked to the bone. I'm smiling, and he's kissing me on the cheek. I remembered that day so well...

Last month, when my sister had come to town, Andrew thought it would be a good idea for all of us to go out on a picnic. He planned everything out, and wouldn't even let me help him with the food. It all seemed perfect. 5 minutes after we got to the park, the heaven's opened up. We were drenched in a matter of seconds. My sister and Andrew both thought it was hilarious. I couldn't help but laugh with them. My sister snapped the picture. Andrew must have put it on as the desktop last night.

I smiled, for once not thinking about Jason, and opened my email inbox. An email from my boss... junk.... an email from my sister... more junk... an email from my boss and another email from my boss. I deleted the junk mail, sighed, and opened the oldest email from my boss. It read:

Lyla,

I really hate to have to bother you on the weekend, but you know that American Eagle add that you're working on? The one that's due in on Tuesday? Well, I need it for Sunday, at 10am. I'm really sorry. But the magazines pushed their dates back, and they need everything sooner. So American Eagle add, Sunday, by 10am.

Thanks!

Kevin

Damn it! I thought. Damn it, damn it, damn it! I looked at the clock in the right hand, bottom corner of my computer screen; 3:23. I had just over 6 and a half hours to finish the add. In my rush to start working on the add, I forgot to read the other emails.

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I clicked the 'save button' for the very last time, and leaned back into the couch. I closed my eyes, and smiled, content. I was done the add, finally. And it was only 8:03. I was done the add with two hours to spare. My empty mind floated to thoughts of Jason. My eyes flashed opened, and I shook my head in disgust. You cannot think about Jason! I told myself angerly. You have Andrew! You love him, and he loves you! What more do you want? I asked myself, but I knew the answer to that. There was something else that I wanted, his name was Jason.

Disgusted with myself, I opened my email inbox, so that I could send Kevin the American Eagle add, now that it was done. I was surprised to see that I had two unread emails from him, but then I remembered that they had been there before, I had just been two anxious to get the add done that I had forgot to read them. I groaned and opened the oldest, unopened one. It read:

Lyla,

I have favour to ask you. Can you not only send me the American Eagle add via email, but can you also print out a copy, GOOD QUALITY, and bring it to me in person? But here's yet another favor. I won't be at the office, so could you bring it to my apartment? You remember where it is from the Christmas party, right? If not, it's Apt. 107 5008 64th Ave.

Thank you so much, and again I apologize for bothering you on the weekend.

Kevin.

I shook my head, and proceeded with caution to his newest email. It was surly going to be another 'favor'.

Lyla,

Ummm. I now need the add, in person, no later then 9:30.This is the last favour, I promise!Kevin

I looked at the clock on the computer screen. 8:18. I had an hour, to get to the other end of town. I was tired, and still in my sweats, and looked like a complete wreck, and I had to go to the other end of town with an add that wasn't supposed to be done for another 3 days. "DAMN IT KEVIN!" I yelled, but then immediately clamped my hand over my mouth. I had forgotten that Andrew was still sleeping. I sent an email to Kevin, with a computerized copy of the add, and a note telling him that I would be at his apartment at 9:29 at the latest, before printing the add and rushing into the bedroom, to put on something decent.

Merry Christmas

Oh, just read the title! Haha. But I do hope each and every one of you has an amazing christmas!
PS. I am still looking for name suggestions. Comment with your idea!!

PSS. I am afraid I am falling, and need you here to help me. You know who you are.

Reinvention??

As you can probably see, I have completely redone the blog. Well not, completely. I just took off all of the Twilight trailers and updates, seeing as the movie is out. I also deleted the Harry Potter stuff. I decided that this is not the right place to put all of this 'crap'. When New Moon info starts to pour in, I will most likely make a new blog to put all of that stuff. I also took off the pics (or most of them) from the side pannel, and redid my profile.
You may ask why I got rid of all things Twilight, seeing as my blog is called 'My life and Twilight', well that too is about to change. Everything was just too cluttered. I need a seperate spot for writing and Twilight updates. It just gets too confusing.
This is just the beginning of the reinvention, some more changes are on the way. But until then, I am looking for a new name, and am open to suggestions. Comment away!
Hanna

twilight

I don't care what the critic's are saying, I don't care what about 50% of the Twilight fans are saying, I don't care what people I know are saying. I loved the movie. I enjoyed it more then the books. Rob did an amazing job. He gave Edward character. Sure he was dark, slightly creepy, scary looking and slightly agressive (at times) but I loved him. He portrayed Edward almost exactly the way I pictured him, no joke. He didn't just play some perfect, gentlemanly dreamboat that a ton of the fans seemed to have pictured him... he gave Edward substance. And I loved it. His performance was beautiful, and brought tears to my eyes. As cheesy as that may sound, it's the truth. I don't want to say anymore, in case you guys haven't seen it, but I will say, the tears came up when he was yelling in the forest (and at many more times). That doesn't spoil anything, does it?
And I am excited to tell you that, they are going ahead with New Moon. Officialy. I got an email from Summit Entertainment this morning. Now for all of you that wondered 'what is Hanna going to do now that the movie has come out?' The awnser is, that it was only the beginning of an era... or should I say, saga?

and yes I took the picture...

Follow this link for a funny interview of Rob and Hayley from Paramore.
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=46893116

Chapter 2 Guilt Waves

Finally. It is here. Chapter 2, continued from Chapter 1 which is continued for Prologue. Although, I'm sure you all could have figured it out. Sorry it took so long, but I had writer's block. That's also why this chapter is not the greatest. I'm that happy with it, but I have amazing ideas that are to come later on in the story, and this is just a connecting piece; And therefore not very good, in my opinion. But I'll let you guys read it, and see what you think. When I finish the whole story, and if I ever decide to go back through it, and actually edit it and re-write it and such, it will be better. But for now, this is what we've got. And I promise the next chapter will be up in a few days. I've already started working on it. Enjoy. Oh yes. And this was not published on the 9th, that's when I started it. It was published on the 14th.

"Hey hun, how was your day?" Andrew asks, wrapping his arms around my waist, and leaning in to kiss me. I gently push him away, and twist my way out of his arms. He looks hurt. I sigh, "I'm sorry. I'm just really tired, it's been a long day. I'm just going to go to bed, alright?" I explain, desperately trying to get away. I need alone, to clear my head. "Alright" he replies. I kiss him quickly, and force a smile. He smiles back, but it doesn't reach his eyes. Guilt forms a knot in my stomach. I push it away, and go to the bedroom.

I get changed into my pajamas, and curl up under the blankets. My day replays over and over in my mind, as if it's on repeat. The guilt waves roll into me every time I think about the way Jason's lips felt, and tasted, against my own. I push each wave of guilt away, but they get stronger and stronger.

Sometime later, Andrew comes into the room, but I pretend I'm asleep. I hear him getting ready for bed, and then feel the bed move beneath me as he gets in, and wraps his arms around me. I allow him to pull me close, and hold me tight. I feel his lips against my neck, and his stubble scratches against my skin. 'I love you,' he whispers, his lips moving against my skin. 'Love you too...' I whisper back, trying to ignore the wave of guilt that crashes into me. He sighs, content. Soon his tight hold on me loosens, and the small room fills with his snores. I bet Jason doesn't snore. I find myself thinking, and pay for it. The guilt that fills my mind and body is so strong that I loose control over the tears that I have been holding back all evening. And the worst part is I'm not crying because I feel guilty for kissing someone other then Andrew; for being unfaithful. I'm crying because I know it's not Andrew's arms I want wrapped around me.

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Me and Jason are walking down the beach, hand in hand, the sand tickling my bare feet. The sun is setting, so the sky is a kaleidoscope of colours. Jason is telling me a story about the first time he picked up a guitar. I'm too mesmerized by his musical voice to pay attention to the words they are saying. His story comes to a close, and we walk in silence, just enjoying one each other's company. Suddenly, out of nowhere, he sweeps me up into his arms, and runs out into the water. The cold water that splashes up from his feet hit me, and I scream. He laughs and spins me around. My scream turns into laughter and I grab onto his shirt, so I don't fall into the ice cold water. He stops spinning, and looks down at me. My laughter fades into a smile on my lips. I stare into his eyes, and am able to count 12 different shades of brown; from almost black, to a hazel colour, to a shade not far from gold. All in one set of eyes. I never knew brown eyes could be so beautiful. '

What are you thinking?' he asks me, truly curious. ' I never knew brown eyes could be so beautiful,' I blurt out without thinking. He laughs, and I blush. 'You know what else is beautiful?' he asks. I shrug my shoulders. He leans in closer, until his lips are a mere centimeter away from mine. 'You,' he whispers. Before I can reply, his lips are on mine, warm and soft and perfect. Suddenly, an all to familiar voice calls my name 'Lyla! Lyla? Ly...' I pull away, so fast, that Jason almost drops me. Andrew is standing on the beach, a bouquet of flowers at his feet. He stares at me and Jason, in sheer shock. The pain takes over his face slowly, and I see a tear slip out of one of his blue eye. I want to go comfort him, to apologize. But I don't want to let go of Jason; I'm too scared that I'll never find him again. My better side takes over, and I push Jason away. He lets go of me, and I fall into the ice cold lake.

Chapter 1 Jason

So this story is continued from my last blog entry, called prologue. So make sure you read that one first... it's right below this one. Enjoy! And keep checking my blog, the next 'chapter' should be posted soon. :)


I woke up from a very deep sleep. I looked around and had no idea where I was. I heard someone moving around in the room next to me, the kitchen maybe? I studied my surroundings; It looked like I was in the living room of a small apartment. I saw a big screen TV and a bookshelf overflowing with DVDs. A big, expensive looking stereo sat beside the TV. Artistic photos lined the walls. A Grand piano stood in the corner of the room, with sheet music scattered all around it. A sketch book lay on the coffee table, next to a notebook filled with what looked like poems or song lyrics. A thick booklet that looked like a script lay on the hardwood floor next to the couch. Whoever lived here was obviously very artistic.

Someone walked into the room, just as I was about to pick the script up off the floor. He was holding a glass of water in one hand and what looked like a peanut butter and jam sandwich in the other. "So Sleeping Beauty finally decided to wake up!" He said with a smile. I sat there and stared at him like an idiot. I had no idea what was going on, or who he was, but he was gorgeous. His smile vanished as worry started to creep across his features. I had seen this face before. I recognized the worry lines that spread across his forehead, underneath his dark hair. I recognized the way he held his mouth... and suddenly everything came flooding back. This was the same guy that had picked me up off the park sidewalk after my little fainting spell. I blushed as I remembered everything. "Hi," I murmured, and his smile returned.

"So I thought you might be hungry. Fainting can take a lot out of you." I shook my head, "No it's ok." I answered. "Are you sure?" he asked. "If you don't feel like PB & J, I could take you out somewhere..." "No it's ok. Really." I answered. Why should this stranger have to feed me? I wasn't even hungry. He shrugged and put the sandwich onto the table. He picked a guitar up, from beside the couch, and sat on the floor, strumming a few chords. Eventually the chords turned into a complex, but beautiful piece of music. I watched his hands, mesmerized, as he played. Then he started to sing. His voice was beautiful, one of the most beautiful voices I had ever heard in my life. The deep, poetic words wove in and out with the guitar melody. I sat there in silence, completely hypnotized by the music that filled the room.

The song came to an end, with a soft chord that hung in the silence. "Do you like it?" he asked me, curious. I was speechless. "That was... that was... com-... ama-..." he laughed softly. "That was beautiful," I finally blurted out. "Did you write it yourself?" I asked. "Thanks, and yeah I did write it actually." His eyes met mine, and he smiled. I looked away. I heard him put the guitar down, and then felt as the couch sag as he sat down next to me. I could feel his eyes still staring at my face. "What's your name?" he whispered. I didn't reply. He lightly placed his fingers on my chin and turned my face so I was looking at him. "What's your name?" he whispered again. "Lyla" I muttered. He let his fingers drop and smiled. My skin tingled where his fingers had been. "Lyla, that's a beautiful name. I'm Jason." I blushed and but continued to stare into his dark eyes. "Hi Jason," I whispered back, smiling.

Ever so slowly, his face came closer and closer to mine. Our lips were about to touch, when someone coughed. Jason pulled away with lightning speed. I followed his gaze, and saw a tall girl with long, blonde hair, red lipstick and a lot of eyeliner on. She was leaning against the door frame, and was staring at me. "My, my, my. Who's this? Won't you introduce me to your friend, Jason?" "Oh hi Anny, I thought you were out..." he replied. "I can see that." She awnsered, her voice full of implications. He cleared his throat, "But this is Lyla; I saved her from the park, and I was just about to drive her home." Anny raised an eyebrow, but never took her eyes off of me. I avoided her gaze, and looked down at my hands. "So anytime you're ready, Lyla." Jason said. "Oh right, right." I replied flustered and stood up, a little too quickly. I swayed, and Jason caught me. "Thanks I muttered," and quickly walked past Anny, who was still starring at me.

We sat in the car, in an awkward silence. I wished that he would turn on the radio, or something; But he didn't. Both of his hands stayed safely on the steering wheel. I sighed, and looked out the window. He looked over at me, and then turned his gaze back to the road. "Lyla, I should explain..." "No Jason, you don't have too. I get it. You and Anny are together, it's fine." He didn't reply. He pulled onto my street, and looked at the numbers, trying to find the right one. "Right here," I said, and he pulled up in front of my apartment complex. I wanted to get out of the car, to get away from this ridiculously perfect guy, but I knew I had to thank him for saving me from the park. So with one hand on the door handle, I turned and looked at him; He was already starring at me. "So, um. Thanks for picking me up at the park and making sure I was fine and ever-" but before I could finish, he had pressed his lips gently against mine.

He pulled as quickly as he had come in. "And me and Anny aren't really together; She's just taking forever to move out." With that, he pulled a pen out of the glove apartment, and wrote his phone number on my hand. "Give me a call sometime," he said with a smile. I smiled back and nodded. "Thanks again," I said, and then stepped out of the car. "Lyla," he called out, leaning over the passenger seat "Goodbye." I smiled and shut the door. He smiled back and then drove away.

I walked up the stairs to my apartment in a bit of a daze. I had just met the most perfect guy! I unlocked the door, and walked in, shutting it behind me. I hung my bag and sweater up on the hook by the door. I turned around and fell out of the daze immediately... I was standing face to face with Andrew, my boyfriend.

Prologue

Alright, so this is a longer story I'm writing, and I have no idea what it's title is going to be, so this is the 'prologue' of the story. I'm sorry if it comes along slowly, but I have alot of stuff going on right now. But I promise you, more is comming. Oh and remember, this is very rough, no editing. :)

With each laboured step I took my vision blurred, my joints ached, my muscles shook. A wave of dizziness shook my system with each movement. Numbness started to take over. I closed my eyes, trying to push it back... but it crept forward at a never changing pace. I opened my eyes to find somewhere to sit, somewhere to recover; I saw the curb of the sidewalk and lurched unsteadily towards it. I sank to the concrete and pressed my face against the grey, rough surface. The coolness of it sank in, trying to calm the fever that surged through my veins. Relief swept through my body slowly.

Suddenly, unexpectedly, my vision blurred like never before; the dizziness climaxed and all went black.

It felt like I was falling, no, sinking. Like I was being swallowed by the darkness, smothered by the black, consumed by the night. At least the pain and dizziness was gone, it had all been taken over by the dull numbing that buzzed from the tips of my toes all the way to my scalp. It was a very strange sensation, but oddly peaceful. Then, out of the blue, I felt something ice cold against my cheek. It jerked me forcefully, pulling me away from the peaceful, numbing black. I wanted to be rid of it, to continue sinking. I reached up to move the ice, to push it away, but I couldn't move my arm. I couldn't move anything... not a single limb.

Panic filled my body, the numbness disappeared and my eyes shot open. Colour and light shocked my system. Pain and dizziness crashed into me, like a tidal wave, retaking my body and mind as prisoners in record time. I then realized that the ice that had brought me back to reality, to this torture, to this hell, was gone. My eyes swiveled around, hunting... and they succeeded. A beautiful dark haired guy knelt beside me. Worry filled every crease, every line, every plane... every part of his face. In his hand, he clutched an ice pack.


"Are you alright?" he asked me. I replied by putting my face back onto the sidewalk, and moaning. He put the ice pack back onto my temple. "No!" I yelled at him. He jerked it away, and watched as I closed my eyes, trying to fall back into the calming darkness. When my body went limp, he realized what I was doing. "Oh no you don't!" he said, and then I was moving. My eyes flashed open, and I saw that he was carrying me, like a child. "What are you doing?" I moaned. "I am taking you to the somplace where you can rest." he replied smugyly. I didn't have the energy to argue, so I closed me eyes and let the rocking of this stranger's walk lull me to sleep.

Her Words Would Cut Holes

There she sat. The warm salty tears that streamed down her cheeks mixed with the cold rain that fell from the sky. The wind whipped her wet hair around her face. She started to shiver as the cold seeped into her skin. She was completely alone, on the bench in the park. No one in their right mind would come out in weather like this, not if they could help it. She pulled her jacket tighter around herself, but it was no use. She was soaked to the skin, and the cold had latched onto her; sucking up her body heat and refusing to let go. Her stomach growled, reminding her that she hadn't eaten all day. The tears continued to fall as she thought back to that night, two weeks ago when she'd run away from home.

It had just started out as another stupid fight between her and her mum. Her mum was mad because she had stayed out past curfew again. However, they had both started yelling, and things got worse. They started bringing up things from the past; things that neither of them meant. She knew her words would cut holes through the both of them, but she said them anyway. Painful subjects flowed in and out of the argument. Like how her father had walked out on them, or how her mother had almost put her up for adoption and the reasons why her brother had killed himself. But it was when her mother had slapped her that she went flying off the edge. That night she had packed her backpack with a jacket, a change of clothes, her toothbrush and the 72$ she had in her piggybank and left. She didn't know where she was going; she just knew that she needed to get away.

So now here she found herself, wet, cold, broke and hungry on a park bench in the pouring rain. She knew there was a warm bed waiting for her somewhere, somewhere she didn't want to be. But if she stayed here, who knows what could happen. It didn't help that she was scared of the dark, either. The fight played through her mind again and again. The tears that had overflowed out of her mother's eyes with every cruel thing she had said. The pain that festered around the barely healed wounds as each dark memory was brought up. The things that had been said, that neither of them had meant. They both had short tempers, and she knew it. It wasn't their faults that when they got angry, things just slipped out of their mouths. Suddenly a flash or lightning lit up the dark sky, if only for a moment and she knew what she had to do. She picked her backpack up from the ground and slung it over her shoulder, before getting up and starting the long walk back to her house.

The light that came from the house was so welcoming compared to the dark night that surrounded her. She stopped at the end of the driveway, looking into the kitchen through the window. She saw her mother, bustling around, cleaning the already spotless kitchen; probably humming along to the classical radio station. She found herself smiling. This was her home, it really was. How could she want to be anywhere else? Sure, she and her mum had problems, but if they tried they could work them out. Without pausing for another second, Sarah walked up the gravel driveway, opened the door and ran into the kitchen. Her mother looked up at her, shocked, and then started to cry. Sarah started crying too, and then found herself in her mother's arms. "Don't ever leave me again, you hear me?" her mother asked lovingly. Sarah couldn't help but smile. "I hear you."

Time Ended

The warm glow of the sunset came in through the kitchen window, hitting her face softly. She hummed along to a song that played quietly on an old radio in the background. Up to her elbows in warm, soapy water doing the dinner dishes and she seemed content. Just seeing her would make you calm, happy even. Like contentment just radiated off of her, infecting all those within a certain proximity. The song on the radio ended, and the hourly news began. "Breaking news. A Canadian soldier has died in Afghanistan today. Private Danny Nilson was killed when the vehicle he was driving hit a land mine. 4 other soldiers are reported to be injured, but in stable condition." The glass she was holding fell to the floor, and shattered into a million sharp shards. She rushed into the living room, not bothering to dry her soapy hands, and turned on the TV. There it was, on the news. Private Danny Nilson, dead. They even showed his picture. It was him all right.

It all sank in slowly, as the information seeped past the protective wall that shock had put up around her... She would never get lost in those green eyes ever again, never run her fingers through his thick, dark hair. Never again would she feel completely safe in his strong arms, or comforted by the way he gently squeezed her hand. She would never taste his lips, or see him as she walked down the aisle. She would never have his children, or grow old with him. He was gone. Her high school sweetheart, her fiancee, her Danny... Gone forever.

Somehow she managed to turn the TV off before she sunk to her knees. The tears started to flow, warm and salty down her cheeks. As she crumpled and fell to the ground, the crying really started. Her body shook violently as she gasped for air. She cried until her eyes ran dry, but even then the violent shaking did not stop. The sun set, and she was enveloped by darkness.

Eventually, she fell asleep, and dreamed about the perfect wedding; Complete with Danny and all. She was walking down a sandy aisle and was wearing a beautiful, simple, white summer dress. She held a bouquet that was composed of a rainbow of flowers. She looked past all of the guests, her crying mother, her smiling best friend; All she saw was Danny. The look on his face was exactly how she felt, overwhelmed with love for one person. And at that moment she knew that she could not live in world where he did not exist. She reached the end of the aisle, and took his hand. They said their vows and exchanged rings. The priest uttered those famous last words "You may now kiss the bride." and time seemed to stop. She stared up into his bright green eyes, and all she could see was love; Love for her. He leaned in and pressed his lips gently against hers. The kiss became passionate as she locked her arms around his neck, and he wrapped his around her waist, pulling her closer...

Time did indeed freeze for Lisa that night. In fact, it was so frozen it ceased to exist at all. Time ended; Lisa never woke up.

I gave up, I let go.

A story I wrote in French Class, that my friend wanted me to translate/re-write in English. The teacher said it had to involve the 'Andes' (the mountain chain) in some way and it was to start with 'I'.

I'm so scared. These mountains are magnificent and so breathtakingly beautiful, but at the same time, so dangerous. I am free-climbing one of the mountains in the famous Andes. The smallest mistake, one wrong move, and I fall. It's a nerve-wracking thought. I move slowly on the vertical cliff. One hand at a time, one foot at a time. I continue like this, paying close attention to my surroundings and to what I'm doing. Suddenly, my left hand slips from the rock. My heart skips a beat. "Stay calm, it's nothing." I tell myself. I take a swift glance beneath me; There is nothing but air for at least 25 feet, and then a pile of menacing-looking rocks...

The hands of fear take control of me. I try to push them away, but the more I resist, the tighter their grip on my calm. I feel something stinging in my right hand; a piece of pointed rock is stabbing into it. Blood starts to gush out of my hand, and the warm, crimson liquid rolls down my arm. The hands of fear are starting to play with me; Push me around. My pulse and my breathing become quicker and quicker. Adrenaline pulses through my veins. The throbbing pain in my right hand becomes more and more intense. It was a bad idea for me to climb up here alone. Now, finally when I need help, there's no one here. No one to help me. Just like always, there's no one in my life except for me... And now I need someone, anyone. My breathing quickly turns into hyperventilation. The hands of fear hit me violently once more and I fall. All I can hear is the blood rushing in my ears and my scream that echos into each cave, each crack of the mountain valley... and I land. I hit the ground, I hit the rocks...

Intense pain screams from every cell in my body. I know that I am broken beyond repair, shattered into a million little pieces. "It'll be ok. I won't die," I think desperately. All I can see is red. The only think I can feel, is the pain. I can't feel the faint beat of my heart, or air that is just barely entering and exiting my lungs; Only pain. I try to ignore it, but it feels like I'm on fire. Like I'm burning alive. "I can't die..." I realize that no sound can escape my blood crusted lips. I can't call for help, I can't save myself from this excruciating agony, from reality. Something inside my head clicks, like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle; I'm going to die. "I know it's the end, why should I fight it? Why do I have to continue to suffer? It's the end. I'm gone..." and I gave up. I let go of everything, I let go of life.

Best Dream Ever

Here is a dream I had a few night ago, and it will be the first Twilight related post. YAY!

I was walking through the woods, making lots of noise. A cold hand held mine tightly. I looked up and was shocked that it was Edward. Edward Cullen. He looked exactly like I always imagined him (i.e How he looks in the movie, which is good.) He smiled when he saw the surprise on my face. Before I could get hypnotized by his golden eyes, he looked away and said in a low voice, the smile still upon his lips 'We're here.' He went in front of me, and pulled me along by the hand.

We stepped out of the trees onto a big, flat rock circle. The forest surrounded one half of the circle, but the other half was a sheer drop. And it was beautiful. We were so high up. You could see forever. We walked into the middle of the circle, hand in hand. I dropped his and proceeded closer to the edge. I was about 3 steps away from the edge when I felt two cold, strong arms wrap themselves around my waist, and I heard his velvet voice in my ear. "Silly. So silly. We don't want you to fall now, do we?" and then I felt his lips in my hair. I closed my eyes, content, and he started to tell me a story. I don't remember what about. I do remember how tight he held me though. And how velvety his voice sounded.

My eyes were still closed by the time the story was finished. Suddenly his voice was excited. "Do you trust me?" "Mmhmm." I murmured back, my eyes still closed. Suddenly I was moving. When my eyes flashed open, I was hanging. Hanging off the cliff. The only thing keeping me from falling was him. I looked down, and immediately felt sick to my stomach. It was so far. 200 feet at least. He let go of one of my hands, and I responded by screaming. "Do you trust me?" he asked again, his eyes smoldering. I gulped and nodded. "Then let go." he said, his voice soft. Panic filled my entire body. He saw it in my eyes. "It's OK," he whispered, his voice just barely audible. "I won't let anything happen to you." His eyes were smoldering again. I couldn't help but trust him. I scrunched my eyes shut, and with as much courage as I could manage I said 'OK," my voice breaking. "Keep your eyes open." I reluctantly opened them slowly. "Ready?" he asked. I nodded, not trusting what would come out of my mouth if I opened it.

And I was falling. I forced myself to keep my eyes open. It was amazing. I felt like I was flying, flying downwards, but still flying. I couldn't even feel sick to my stomach, seeing as it had been left at the top of the cliff, and was following behind me, slowly.

And then I saw him. He was falling too, beside me. He caught my eye and winked. Suddenly the ground was much closer. I would hit it in less then 10 seconds. I screamed his name, and next thing I knew, I was in his arms. He cradled me like a small child. I grabbed onto him with all of my strength, and he chuckled. Then we were on the ground. It was like there was no impact; I didn't feel, or hear, a thing. He gently released himself from my hold, and put me on the ground. Finally my stomach caught up with me, but it was to late to feel sick. He held my hands, and looked down at me, his lips pulling up into his crooked smile. My heart melted, and next thing I knew his lips were on mine.
Then I woke up, to the sound of my mum yelling "Hanna! Get up! Take the dog out!" I groaned, and grudgingly got up, cursing her and the dog to the deepest pits of hell.

Running Away

The other night, I came home from a movie, and was upset. What was I upset about? I have no idea. And I still don't know, even after thinking about it for some while.
Anyways, I told my mum I was walking around the block. (I like to walk when my emotions are all crazy, it calms me down) She looked at me suspiciously, and said "No. It's late and you are scantily dressed." I looked down at my blue and white striped tank top and jeans. Perfectly normal. "Fine, I'll put on a sweater then." And went in with a slam of the door, grabbing my sweater, and proceeded back outside, telling my mum I would only be 2 minutes, tears welling up in my eyes for some unknown reason as the gravel crunched beneath my feet.

I turned the corner sharply, and walked, my head down, staring at my feet. Suddenly I needed to run. I had to. I just felt it. I had to move faster. I had to get away. I broke into a run, looking up from my feet to the empty street ahead of me. I ran faster. I turned the next corner and kept on running. I heard a loud truck beside me, and an annoying voice yelling:'Run faster! Run faster!'
I payed no attention, and just kept going. I swiveled around the next corner, almost running into an elderly woman. I didn't even pause to say sorry.

Tears welled up in my eyes. I ran faster. My breath was coming in gasps. My vision impaired by the tears streaming down my face. I pushed myself harder, sure my feet were going as fast as they possibly could. It hurt. But I pushed. I turned the last corner and tried to go even faster, trying to get away. But from what?

When my house was in sight, I came to an abrupt stop. My breathing so loud, I was sure the whole neighborhood could hear it. I sank down to the sidewalk, and sat on the edge, trying to reclaim my breath, and get a hold of my ever flowing tears. It worked. As my breathing slowed, the tears dried. I got a grip on myself, and when I was sure I was back to normal (on the outside) I walked the rest of the way home slowly. My mum eyes me curiously as I walked past her and into the house.

--Only today did I realize what I had been running from... I had been running from myself. Trying to get away from the person that disgusted me. That fake person. That annoying person. That person who was pretending to be someone who she wasn't. And It worked, she still hasn't caught me, not yet. So if I seem different, that would be why. It's because I'm real. Finally.